I can recall the times I was trapped in relationships that were no good for me. The one that stands out the most was when I turned 50 years old. I was in a relationship with Mr. Fabulous who I mention in my book LOVE BEATS.
He was everything I ever wanted in the man of my dreams. He was tall, good looking and funny. We had a great soul connection and I was happy, or so I thought. I noticed occasionally he had a bad temper but it didn’t phase me, I always justified his behavior as stress related or work anxiety. He also claimed he was a Christian man, but I had no idea what that meant except I was a spiritual person and loved the fact that he believed in a higher power.
His love was safe at first and I began to believe in my feelings towards him and his feelings for me. We became a couple and I thought I was living my dream at last.
As the relationship progressed, the storms of life took us down the road of dealing with tough situations and I found myself getting worried and anxious about our relationship. I convinced myself that “our love” could take us to though anything. I quickly found out that Mr. Fabulous was not as fabulous as he appeared. His love for me was not the healthy love energy that would make a solid foundation to build a healthy relationship.
He was camouflaged as a good christian man but was actually abusive, demeaning and degrading. I allowed his idle christian words backed with his negative emotions cloud my mind, heart, and my will to the point of breaking my spirit. He had a hold on me. I was in the downward spiral of dark love.
I allowed my low energy belief that “he was my last chance at love” cloud my vision to see what was really happening…energetically. I discovered that energetically I was attached to the “fear of time” compounded by my addiction to wanting someone in my life. (a future post topic)
It was after an argument when he locked me in his cold dark garage that I was able to finally see the light. I was blinded by my own wants and unaware of his dark love behavior. The love he showed me was justification for bad behavior and I was always giving him the benefit of the doubt. By ignoring my own intuition I gave more him more power to use against me. I was energetically letting him have rule over me with his dark love behavior.
My eyes finally opened (awakened) to relive all the negative patterns of my dating relationships including his. The same patterns that drug me down the same dating path over and over. I was enlightened by the power of truth. I had heard the truth all along through my intuition (or the red flags) but I kept ignoring them. It was in the cold dark garage I finally heard the cry of my heart in chaos. That chaos in me wanted to be healed.
How was I able to see my way out?
I was able to see the truth, embrace the truth and let the truth live inside of me. The truth for me was I deserved better and I had the faith to believe it.
Let me explain, when you are backed into a corner what comes out? Fight or flight? Do you get out of harms way or do you stay and fight for what you believe to be true.
First you must know what is true.
What I knew to be true in my case was that Mr. Fabulous was not right for me and that was my first step in my battle against fear.
I also knew my faith had to be bigger than my fear, which only means you have enough awareness in Source/God/ Universe to tap into the Divine love potential that is. When you have faith it leads to courage and you are able to begin the process of climbing out of the lower vibrations of hopelessness, fear or even despair. You begin to see things with a new perspective and start to open to possibilities. Truth shines the light on dark love.
Hope and faith are higher energy vibrations than fear and worry. With the higher vibrations you will begin to pull your way out of dark love and begin to feel you are worthy for love. The energy of faith has to be bigger than your fears.
What if you can’t tap into faith? Look for the next blog post for the answer.